Your Kid Says the Money Was for School Supplies. It Wasn’t.
If you’re a parent in New Jersey right now, there’s a decent chance you’ve had a moment of “wait, where did that money go.” A tuition refund that didn’t quite add up. A request for “just a little more” halfway through the semester. An explanation involving books, a lab fee, a new phone case.
Sometimes that explanation is true. Increasingly, in our office, it isn’t.
We are getting more calls about this than ever before, and it’s not close. Teenagers, college students, and just as often their parents, reaching out because something about the money, or the mood, or the secrecy doesn’t add up anymore. What we’re usually looking at is sports betting, and more specifically, a gambling problem that’s been building quietly for a while, sometimes years before college, before anyone said the word out loud.
This isn’t only a campus problem. It starts younger than most parents realize, and it often follows kids from high school into college and beyond if nobody catches it.
This Is Not an Exaggeration. Look at the Numbers.
I don’t like scare tactics. I like data. Here’s what’s actually happening in New Jersey and nationally right now.
New Jersey’s problem gambling helpline has seen a 277% increase in calls since online sports betting was legalized in 2018, and calls from parents about their children specifically are up 800%. Young men under 25 are the fastest-growing group for problem gambling in the state.
And this isn’t starting in college. A survey out of Seton Hall found that nearly 79% of young people who gamble started before they turned 21, meaning the habit is almost always formed while they’re still minors, often in high school. There’s growing reporting on kids as young as 11 or 12 getting pulled in through prediction-style apps and social media ads that mimic the exact dopamine loop of real sports betting, years before they could legally place a bet anywhere. New Jersey lawmakers are now pushing legislation to restrict these casino-style apps precisely because of that early exposure risk.
By the time kids get to campus, the habit is often already established, which is part of why the college numbers are so striking. Roughly 60% of college students report sports betting, and college students develop gambling problems at close to twice the rate of the general adult population. One recent report found 17% of students at high risk and another 29% at moderate risk. College just gives an existing pattern more access, more independence, and less oversight.
And here’s the part that changes how I think about this clinically: gambling disorder is the only behavioral addiction formally recognized in the DSM-5. It sits in the same diagnostic category as alcohol and opioid use disorder, not because we’re being dramatic, but because the neuroscience backs it up. The anticipation before a bet activates the same dopamine reward circuitry involved in substance addiction. This is not “just a hobby that got out of hand.” It is a real, diagnosable, treatable condition that behaves like an addiction because, in every clinically meaningful way, it is one.
What This Actually Looks Like in the Room
Here’s a pattern we see often, whether the client is 16 or 21. Money that doesn’t have an obvious explanation gets one anyway. School supplies. Books, a lab fee, something plausible and boring enough that nobody asks a follow up question. Underneath that story is usually shame, and underneath the shame is usually chasing. They lost money, they believe the next bet will get them back to even, and the cycle keeps going. Some of our clients have genuinely believed, at least for a while, that they could make a career out of it. That belief is part of the disorder, not a character flaw.
The hiding is often what keeps it going longer than it should. Gambling doesn’t smell like alcohol or show up in bloodshot eyes. It lives on a phone. It can happen in a bedroom, a dorm room, a lecture hall, a school bathroom between classes. Parents in New Jersey and New York often don’t find out until the financial picture, or the emotional picture, is already serious.
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Whether you’re in New Jersey, New York, or anywhere online through PsyPact, we’re here. Schedule a free consultation and find out if we’re the right fit.
How We Actually Treat This
This is where I want to correct something I hear a lot, which is the idea that a person needs to want to quit gambling before treatment can help. Most people who walk into our office are ambivalent. Part of them knows this is a problem. Part of them still believes the next win fixes everything. That ambivalence is normal, and it’s exactly where motivational interviewing does its best work.
We’re trained in the most evidence-based approaches available for this, including CBT and ACT, and we use MI specifically to work with that ambivalence early on. Before we get into changing behavior, we get curious about what actually matters to this person. What do they want their life to look like. What are they willing to work toward. MI helps us get aligned with someone’s values instead of arguing them into agreeing gambling is a problem, which almost never works and usually just increases the hiding.
From there, CBT gives us the tools to work with the specific thought patterns that keep gambling going. The gambler’s fallacy. The illusion of control. The belief that a loss means a win is “due.” ACT helps with the parts of this that are about escape, using gambling to get away from stress, boredom, or difficult emotions, and builds tolerance for those feelings without needing to numb out.
We set realistic goals together and move in a direction that’s actually important to the person sitting across from us, not a generic goal we’ve decided is right for them. That collaboration is the whole model. It’s also, frankly, why it works better than a lecture about consequences.
If You’re a Parent Reading This
You are not overreacting, whether your kid is in high school, in college, or just out of it. If something feels off about the money, or the mood, or the secrecy, trust that. The earlier this gets addressed, the shorter and less painful the road tends to be. This isn’t about catching your kid in a lie. It’s about getting ahead of a problem that gets harder to treat the longer it hides.
If you’re the one hiding it, the shame you’re carrying is part of the disorder talking, not the truth about who you are. You are allowed to ask for help before things get as bad as you’re afraid they’ll get.
We work with clients throughout New Jersey, New York, and 40+ states through PsyPact, in person out of our Highland Park office or fully online. This is treatable. We’d like to help.
If You Need Support Right Now
Therapy is one part of this. If you or someone you love needs support today, these resources are free and confidential:
- 800-GAMBLER, New Jersey’s Council on Compulsive Gambling helpline. Call, text, or chat, available 24/7.
- Gamblers Anonymous, peer-led meetings throughout New Jersey and New York, with a meeting finder on their site.
- National Council on Problem Gambling helpline, 1-800-522-4700, for national coverage.
None of these replace treatment, but they’re a good place to start, especially in a crisis moment or in the middle of the night when a session isn’t an option.
Worried about someone you love, or worried about yourself?
We work with teenagers, college students, young adults, and families dealing with gambling and betting related concerns, using CBT, ACT, and motivational interviewing to actually get to the root of it. Reach out and let’s talk about what treatment could look like.
👉 Get Started With The CBT Center
About Dr. Michelle Drapkin
Dr. Michelle Drapkin is a licensed psychologist, board-certified in cognitive behavioral therapy (ABPP, A-CBT), and the founder and director of The CBT Center in New Jersey. She earned her doctorate from Rutgers University and has been practicing for more than 20 years. She keynotes at national conferences and trains therapists in CBT and Motivational Interviewing at the state, national, and international level.
The CBT Center serves clients throughout New Jersey, New York, and 40+ states via PsyPact, offering individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, and specialized treatment for anxiety, depression, OCD, gambling and behavioral addictions, insomnia, and more. Their mission: Better Access to Better Care.
Ready to get started? Contact The CBT Center today.
